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"YES!! Yes, I _should_ have died! With all of them!!"

His anguished cry echoes in my head. Them. The entire planet of people wiped out by Frieza. How can he feel such guilt over their demise? What does he think he could have done to prevent it?

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The last thing I want is to ever set eyes upon this place, or _her_, again. But I have nowhere else to go. I certainly don't want to be around Kakarot and his half-breed spawn. Sometime in the middle of the night I return, glad at least that all of the lights are out.

I see her in my head, the way she looked that first time on Namek. Beautiful -- until she opened her mouth. The image changes to the whirling blue fury descending on me this morning. The only reason she managed to land a punch at all is that I was totally mesmerized. The shift she was wearing barely covered her, and the wind was whipping it and her hair around wildly. With the lightning blue of her flashing eyes it was like a sky elemental had appeared to do battle. When she is angry, she is totally fearless.

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Another nightmare, but this time, when I open the door, he is already awake. His eyes glint coldly at me from the bed.

"You aren't needed here."

I start to leave, but something makes me turn back. I catch a hint of terrible sadness and self-loathing in his eyes, before his shields are thrown up again. So much hate, but most of it directed inward. My heart twists.

I gather my courage, and take the plunge.

"Vegeta. It wasn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done."

I gasp. His hands are around my neck, and I can barely breathe. I never saw him move. Fury radiates from him like heat from a furnace. "I told you, get out!"

"The best you could have done is died with them!" I manage to choke out. "What would that have accomplished?"

"A true prince would have died with his people! What am I now? I am prince of nothing -- a dead planet and a nonexistent people! I couldn't even avenge them! Why didn't you leave me dead?" The last part was almost a moan.

Suddenly I understand his obsession with defeating Goku. He had done the task Vegeta could not; achieving Super Saiya-jin and defeating Frieza. Apparently it doesn't matter that Frieza and his father didn't truly die until the appearance of that other boy. His chance for vengeance had been taken away.

He looks like he truly wants to throttle me, but I know he is just trying to scare me enough to leave him alone. I reach up between the circle of his arms and cup his face with my hands. I refuse to let him frighten me away.

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I want so desperately for her to leave. I can't believe how close I am, once again, to tears. I've only cried once since I was beaten within an inch of my life for it when I was four or five. Just once, right before my death. The memory makes me burn with shame.

I release her neck and grab her shoulders to throw her away from me, but the pain and the terror and the guilt all recede a bit when she is there. The ghosts of my past are no match for the bright fury blazing in her eyes. Their icy fingers melt away with her touch and the moon turns her hair into a halo of blue that dazzles my vision, turning back the rising tide of darkness that threatens to swallow me. Instead of dashing her from me, I find myself grasping her like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline.

Her arms slip around my neck and draw my face down to hers. All of my Saiya-jin strength is useless against her gentle determination. Her lips brush mine, as soft as breath, and I taste the tang of salt. After a moment of horror --Not again!--, I realize the tears are hers. Crying for me?

I must be nearly crushing the life out of her, but she says nothing. I close my eyes and inhale the scent of her. For a moment, I am completely at peace.

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This, this is what I've longed for, seemingly all my life. He kisses me desperately, like a man gone so long without water that he is afraid it will vanish, like a desert mirage, before he can drink. Yamucha never needed me like this. His arms crush me, but I don't mind. I want to stay like this forever. I draw him down on the bed with me, wanting his fire to consume me completely, burning out the pain and loneliness that have been my constant companions for so long...

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I feel her tremble underneath me, and my whole body reacts to her nearness. The cooling touch of her soft skin sets my senses on fire. I nearly give myself up to the rush, forgetting everything, but a voice shouts in my head, "NO! She is making you weak! You will never reach your goals if you allow yourself to be distracted like this. What are you thinking? She is only a mere human!"

I break away roughly, throwing her off and rising out of the bed in one violent motion. The taste of her is still on my lips. "Get away from me, slut!" My voice is ice. "I'm not interested in anything you have to offer."

Cheeks burning, she pulls the edges of her robe tightly around herself and looks at the floor.

"Filthy human, you disgust me!"

I take off through the open window, but not quickly enough to escape the crystal tears that fill those blue, blue eyes.

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End Chapter 4