insert standard disclaimer here. I don't own Dragonball Z, Ranma 1/2 or any of the characters.
Chapter 1 - Strange Times
Bulma, Puar, and Yamucha are hanging out at Capsule Corp. The sun is bright, the birds are chirping, and a balmy breeze is blowing lazily across the deck, lulling the occupants into a sleepy complacence. Yamucha relaxes in a slightly swaying hammock near the sunbathing Bulma.
Suddenly, a loud crash comes from around the building. Bulma jerks out of a half-slumber. "What was that?" She wraps the towel she was lying on around her waist and takes off.
Yamucha is trussed up like a fish in the hammock. "Bulma, wait!"
As Bulma reaches the site of impact, she sees the smoking hull of the ship Vegeta had "borrowed" earlier. Yamucha skids to a halt next to her just as the hatch opens.
Vegeta emerges, and some male posturing with Yamucha occurs. Bulma diffuses the situation before Yamucha gets his ass kicked by sauntering up to the Saiyajin Prince and announcing, "You need a bath!"
At his dumbfounded look, she clarifies. "You. Stink." She turns away and slinks toward the house. "Follow me..."
The eyebrows come down and he opens his mouth to retort. Before he can, she turns back and frowns, "Well, are you going to take all day or what?!"
He grumbles but walks after her. Yamucha and Puar just stare.
An undignified squeal resounds from the direction of the bathroom. "Aaaaaaaaaah! It's cold! Woman!"
Bulma ignores him -- well, her, and continues to paint her toenails. Another yell causes her to miss and smear "Red Temptress" all over her big toe. She storms up to the bathroom door.
"Grrrrrrrr...What?! What is your problem?"
"There's no hot water!"
"That's what happens when you take an hour long shower, baka!"
"I can't stay like this!"
Bulma chuckles. "It's just as well, your clothes are in the wash, and mine will definitely fit you better this way."
"You heard me. Didn't they have laundry facilities on Frieza's ship? They smelled like they had never seen the inside of a washing machine!"
"I am NOT wearing women's clothing!"
"Well, it's either that or going NAKED!"
A long pause. Vegeta growls, "Where are the damn towels?"
"Out here." Bulma opens the door and steps in, holding one out. Vegeta quickly covers herself -- like a guy would, both hands over her genital area. Bulma rolls her eyes. "You don't have anything I haven't seen before, you know."
Vegeta scowls furiously. "Just give me that and get out!"
"Fine. The clothes are over there."
Bulma, Yamucha and Puar are back on the deck, kicking back.
"So, what are you going to do with him?"
Bulma looks taken aback. "Do? I don't know. I guess let him stay for a while. At least until Goku gets back."
"You sure that's a good idea?"
"Where else is he going to go? Besides, as soon as Goku returns, he'll get the fight he wants, and leave."
Just then, Vegeta walks out. She is wearing a cute little pink tee shirt with "BAD GIRL" printed on the front, a pair of jean shorts, and a thunderous look on her face. "One word and I'll kill you."
Yamucha falls over laughing. Then, in all seriousness, he says, "Gee Bulma, Vegeta looks better in your clothes than you do!"
Bulma makes an outraged noise and smashes the table onto his head. "Yamucha, you jerk!"
Vegeta smirks. "He's probably right, although this is a bit tight in the chest, not to mention baggy around the waist..."
Bulma glares daggers at her. A blue ki aura begins to flare around the taller human woman.
Vegeta smiles wider and continues. "I'm obviously better built than you."
A mallet swings around in Bulma's hands and connects with Vegeta's face. He flies off into the stratosphere, and Bulma sits down to finish her drink.
"It's too bad the dragonballs don't work on ancient Chinese curses."
"I know, Yamucha. I thought for sure that was the answer. But I'm still working on it..."
Vegeta returns and starts eating. "I should kill you for that, woman," she manages around a mouthful of food.
"Yeah, then what would you eat, and where would you stay?" She smirks at the female Saiyajin. "And who are you calling woman, woman?"
Vegeta growls, "I'm warning you..."
"Hey Yamucha, are you going to let him talk to me like that?"
The Z warrior looks at his watch. "Oi, looks like I'd better hurry up and get back!"
Bulma sighs. "You're such a perv, you know."
"Chichi will miss me! She worries about me when I'm not there. With Goku gone, she gets so lonely..."
Vegeta suddenly slams her hand down on the table, spilling her drink. "I knew it! That incompetent Kakarot didn't finish it! Frieza is still alive!"
All of the Z warriors, plus Vegeta, Bulma and Puar, gather near the location of the source of the evil ki. Vegeta is a bit impressed at Bulma's lack of fear, but refuses to let it show.
Krillin and Gohan titter at the sight of the buxom, red-headed Vegeta in a midriff-exposing tee shirt. The monk says, "Hey Vegeta, nice outfit!" Piccolo makes a choking noise.
"Watch it, baldy! And the rest of you shut up already! Have you forgotten why we're out here?"
Tien sidles up to Vegeta. "Hey sweet thing, where have you been all of my life?" He closes his eyes and begins reciting bad poetry. Vegeta clocks him. Satisfied that he is out cold, she turns to the others.
"No flying. You don't want to give away our position by raising your ki level!"
They sneak up to where Frieza and his father are, just in time to watch a lavender-haired stranger decimate them.
They all marvel at his power level, except of course Vegeta, who is thinking "Gaaaaah. Not ANOTHER Super Saiyajin! I refuse to believe it!..." Ad nauseum.
Mission accomplished, the stranger flies over to them, and announces, "Hey everyone! How would you like to wait with me for Goku? He should be here in about 3 hours...right over there, I think..."
The gang relocates, and watches as the young man pulls out a capsule and produces a fully stocked fridge. "Please, help yourselves."
Bulma, Krillin and Gohan all take a drink and sit down. Everyone pesters the kid for information until Bulma tells them to lay off. They wait in silence from then on. The kid keeps looking around at all of them, staring intently at their faces as though trying to recognize someone. He frowns.
Vegeta loses her short temper. "What the hell are you staring at! Pervert!"
"Ah, nothing! Gomen!" The kid blushes and looks down.
Finally, Goku arrives, and there is much rejoicing (Yay!)
The kid asks to talk to him alone, so they go off, have their little Super Saiyajin battle, and Vegeta growls some more about the injustice of her life.
Goku powers down. "Okay kid, so what did you have to tell me?"
Trunks hesitates. "I don't know how to say this...but I'm not from this time. I'm from 20 years in the future. The reason I can turn Super Saiyajin is that I'm 1/2 Saiyajin. Vegeta is my dad."
"Vegeta! Oh my gosh! Wow!"
"Yeah...I thought he'd be here, though...where is he, do you know?"
Goku looks a bit surprised. "He's here. He's right over there."
"Which one is he?" Trunks turns around eagerly. Goku points. "The redhead."
Trunks falls over. "My dad is a woman?!? Mom never mentioned that!!"
"Er, yeah. It's kind of a curse. Not permaneant, though..."
Trunks looks pained, but continues on, "Anyway, I didn't come to tell you that. 3 years from now, something terrible is going to happen..."
He fills Goku in on the androids, gives him the heart virus antidote, etc.
Goku asks, "You said your mom knows me...is she someone I meet later, or do I already know her?"
Trunks points at Bulma. It's Goku's turn to facefault. "Bwahahahahahaha! Bulma's your mom?! Hehe, I didn't know Vegeta had it in him..."
"Yeah...Mom says they didn't stay together long...and if he's a cross-dresser, I can sort of see why..."
Trunks has left, and it starts to rain. The gang returns to Bulma's to wait out the storm, before going their separate ways. They are completely drenched by the time they arrive.
Yamucha pours the contents of a kettle on himself and scowls. "This sucks!" Vegeta glares at him and waits for the second kettle to heat up while looking pissed at the world. Her red hair is dripping in her face, and the T-shirt is clinging to her uncomfortably.
Goku-panda thinks for a moment. *Oh, I don't know. I actually don't mind. It's kind of fun!*
Yamucha continues his tirade. "Easy for you to say! _You_ just like being able to hide from your wife! You don't shrink down to the size of a football! You have no idea how humiliating it is to be carried around like that, all squished up against her che--"
Goku is glaring daggers at him. *Keep your piggy paws off my wife!*
Yamucha laughs nervously, hand behind head. "Hey Goku, take it easy. I can't help that with you gone, she wanted to sleep with me at ni--Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Bulma walks in to find a huge SSJ panda about to murder Yamucha. "Goku! Not on the carpet!"
She sits down. "So...now what?"
Goku is still sulking. Piccolo replies seriously, "Now we train. We only have 3 years to prepare for the androids."
Goku turns to Vegeta. *Hey Vegeta, are you sticking around for the fight?*
Vegeta smirks (she does a lot of that). "Of course. No one is going to kill you, except for me."
Bulma sighs. "I guess you can stay here. We have plenty of room, after all."
Tien declares, "I will train hard as well, my red-haired beauty. And after I have defeated these foul villains, surely then I will have proven myself worthy of you..." He grabs Vegeta's hand but is kicked into the next town before he can kiss it.
Bulma glares at her. "Was that really necessary? Guess who gets to fix that hole in the roof!"
Krillin exclaims, "Hey, I just thought of something...Vegeta is going to need a green card or something..."
Piccolo adds, "Yeah, I got mine a while ago." He holds it up.
Bulma frowns. "I hadn't thought of that..."
Yamucha butts in. "There's no WAY they're going to give him a green card!" He chortles, "They tend not to like it when you threaten repeatedly to blow up the planet!"
Piccolo grins. "Gee Bulma, I guess you'll have to marry him!"
Everyone but Bulma and Vegeta burst into hysterical laughter.
"There is no way in hell I'm going to MARRY that loud-mouthed, ugly, vulgar woman!"
Bulma glowers at her. "YOU shut up. I don't know why we wished your sorry ass back!" She turns to the rest of them. "No way! There is absolutely no way I'm going to marry that arrogant son of a--"
"C'mon Bulma, we're going to need every fighter we have to beat these androids. He'll be deported off-planet otherwise..."
*Yeah Bulma, it's for the fate of the Earth...*
Vegeta dumps the finally-hot water over herself and raises his voice above all of them. "I said, NO!" He looks furious. "I am the Saiyajin no Ouji! This lowly human female is totally unworthy of being mated to someone like me--"
Bulma has had enough. She walks up to him, pokes a finger in his face and spits at him, "Look, Your Highness, in case you hadn't noticed, your planet doesn't exist anymore! Your title means nothing here! You have no subjects. There are only two Saiyajins left, and unless you plan on remaining female and repopulating the race with Goku, that's the way it's going to stay! So get over yourself already!"
Vegeta is beyond words. His face is a weird shade of purple. Him and Kakarot? How dare she...
Goku: *Bulma! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww! How can you even SAY that!!!*
Piccolo and the others all look rather nauseated at the mental image.
Krillin shakes his head in an attempt to clear it. Yuck. "Well guys...what if you just say you're engaged? That might be good enough..."
Vegeta narrows his eyes. "Fine. If it's the only way."
Bulma snorts. "Don't do me any favors. And don't get any romantic ideas, either, pervert."
"Like that would happen."
Everyone goes their different ways and begins to train. What will the next three years hold? And what will happen when the androids arrive?
End Chapter 1