Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or the characters attributed to the show. Also this fiction contains adult material and themes!!! If you are too young to be reading, and you know who you are, run away!!

WARNING: This fic also deals with dark, mature, and sometimes troublesome themes. Not so dark that it can’t be tolerated, but dark enough that it might give some people trouble. Be forewarned…

 

Bulma's Journal - PART TWO

  

DAY TEN

I’d give my right leg for a grape soda right now. You know, it is my absolute favorite; been my absolute favorite since I first landed on Chikyuu some five years ago. A chocolate chip muffin would be good to. I think that would be my dream day now: Sitting outside in the fresh air of Chikyuu with my mother, watching Trunks play while we sipped a grape soda and ate a chocolate chip muffin. It makes me drool thinking of it now. And then there would be Vegeta…I would hear his deep voice as it murmured something hot and burning into my ear, slip away with him to the cool grasses of some perfect field…

And if you pressed me even harder, I’d tell you that I had a wish. My wish, if I were allowed just one, would be to go back into time before I ever came to this planet. I would stop Vegeta from taking my choice away and I would be facing my destiny alongside him right now, happily oblivious to any of the truths that were forced upon me since my incarceration here. If I were to die, at least I would die believing that he loved me.

As surely as I would be free of the knowledge of his betrayal, I would also be free of the guilt that has become a part of my life. It has eaten at me like some terminal disease since my time with Bardock, infesting my blood and wringing me dry of any and all emotion. I am numb and empty, and yet my mind is plagued with constant, relentless thoughts of what I have done. How could I do something so against everything that I am, against everything I believed myself to be? And more importantly, how do I ever face myself in a mirror again and live with what I have done. I was a weak fool, and in that moment’s weakness I sold my soul to the devil. How can I ever forgive myself, and what is worse: how can I expect Vegeta to forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself? He is lost to me.

Oh, I know he betrayed me too. I haven’t forgotten the things I have learned. How could he have ever done what he has done and continued to look me in the eye? I don’t think I will ever know the answer to that. I deserved better! I deserved better from him! Yet, so did he. He deserved better than what I gave him. God, how will this ever straighten itself out? And that is based on the idea that I might live to get things straightened out. I am still angry, angrier than I have ever been before, hurt beyond any scope of the word. I don’t know what to do with that pain and anger, and that is what is hardest to bear. He is not here for me to rail at, he is not here for me to hit, or scream at, or even ask why. I am alone with my thoughts, and alone with this burning rage and awful pain that I can find no true peace from.

After yesterday’s revelations and a morning spent weeping in Bardock’s arms for all that I had done, I was brought back to my cell to pass the time alone. You can imagine what that was like. All my thoughts, all my energy spent on what had happened, and what ifs, and what was to come. And then again, yesterday evening, after all that had already happened, I was brought back to Bardock. Nothing happened, thankfully. I was too tired and exhausted, and sleep claimed me the minute my head hit the floor next to his pallet. This morning I awoke, and he was still there, sleeping restlessly.

I was allowed to spend the whole morning with Bardock. I think Hachuu was hoping that more would happen. Since he had failed to unite us last night, he might as well try again, or at least that was what I imagined he must have been thinking. It is the only thing that makes sense, given his plots. If he can give Bardock a little ready-made family, then he has something he can use to destroy Bardock’s heart and soul with. He has underestimated me, though. Perhaps he sees me as someone easily manipulated, and perhaps that was something that I led him to believe. I was weak…far weaker than I had ever imagined myself to be but I know this with certainty: I will be damned if I allow myself to be used like some piece in a game. If by some miracle, what happened last night were to result in a child, I would find some way to kill that son of a bitch before I would ever let him take what is mine for some sick twisted purpose! I swear it! Bardock would tear his heart out; too, I know that as well. He would do it for me and he would do it for his child.

There will be no child, though. Not after three damned years of being fed a contraceptive behind my back. Vegeta drugged me! He messed with my body with no thoughts to the consequences, or my feelings on the matter! As much as I have to answer for, dammit, so does Vegeta! He has probably screwed my reproductive system up for the rest of my life! He lied to me, he betrayed me, he went behind my back! And what was worse is that he allowed me to think my own body was to blame, all the while knowing full well why I wasn’t conceiving any children! Damn him! I am so angry with him, and I know that last night…well, I know that was part of the reason that I let myself sleep with Bardock. I was so angry…so angry

But if Hachuu thinks for one instant that I will allow him to lead me to Bardock as if I were nothing but a whore to do his bidding, he is a fool. I am Bulma Briefs, and I choose to whom I give my body. I am not saying that I have never felt anything for Bardock, or that I wouldn’t choose to sleep with him, but not like this…never like this, and certainly not when I am tied to a man that I love to the depths of my very soul, despite what he has done.

Bardock means something to me, I know that, and yes…there is a physical attraction. We have suffered much together, a bond has been formed. But I have spent the better part of five years loving Vegeta, giving myself to Vegeta, sharing a bond with Vegeta that is far deeper than anything I have experienced before in my life. I had believed it to be profound, and maybe he didn’t feel the same way, maybe he has lied to me these years we have been together, I don’t know. For me…well… there is nothing that can take away or replace what I felt and still feel, nor is there any person. For me it was real, and if he has been lying to me…then I will just say that he is a damn good liar for I believed everything he said and every action that he took. With a few well-placed words on his part, I would probably believe him again, despite this anger I feel. Even after all he has done to me, I can readily admit that. Sad isn’t it, that I have allowed this one man that much power over me? I will have to rectify that, I think. Perhaps it is time that I grow up. Perhaps it is time that I became a woman. God, how did things ever get so screwed up? And that brings me back to Bardock and this nightmare situation we are in. Will I be able to fight this control that Hachuu seems to have over my mind?

. Hachuu knows that my anger and pain run deep, he has used it well. He has slowly cultivated all of this, conniving bastard that he is. And to compound my anger, he amplified it along with any residual feelings that I might have held for Bardock. He took things—thoughts that belonged to me! He violated my mind and he took things that were mine and mine alone! And then he used them against me in his twisted game. I never comprehended the lengths he would go to, nor did I fully understand them. Well, I do now. I do now.

Bardock and I talked about this, this morning, after we had both woken up. I had slept again for a while, lost in my shock and misery…lost in my guilt. After I had awoken, I had seen him, leaning tiredly against the wall, watching me. The desire came again, and I wanted him as much as I have ever wanted anyone in my life. God, it was almost unbearable. I know it was for him, as well. I could see it in his eyes. They burned for me, and I wanted to answer it, but—

We fought it. We knew that it was Hachuu and his minions playing our emotions. He was amplifying feelings, and introducing thoughts where there were none. How sick is that? God, I found myself kissing Bardock, and he was kissing me back. His hands were everywhere and mine were answering him, until somehow, someway, we both were able to regain some of our sanity. We held hands for the longest time, silently, both heaving with unspent emotions and the hard fought battle to overcome Hachuu’s control.

"This is Hachuu, Bulma…" He had managed to gasp after awhile. "This is Hachuu’s doing and we cannot allow this to happen again."

He turned his black eyes to me, and it was then that I noticed just how bad he really was. They were black and hollow, and there was something inside them…something so haunting and despairing that for the longest moment, I couldn’t breath. Gently, I laid my hand alongside his scarred face. It was flushed and hot to touch. As bad as his wounds might have been…there was something more, something horrible bothering him. I could see it in the depths of those coal black eyes, but I couldn’t begin to fathom what it might be? What had they done to him?

"How did you get that scar?" I asked after a moment, needing to draw the attention away from our present situation. "You never really said." A thought struck me, a fleeting memory of the night before. "And who is Negi?"

Bardock drew back, shocked at the sound of the name, and I felt my brow furrow at his reaction. What was this name to him?

"H-how did you know that name?" He asked, slumping back against the wall of the cell. Drawing his knees up, he laid his flushed cheek against it and shut his eyes, looking for all the world like a small child in bad need of comfort. It boggled my mind that he was a man well into his fifties, when his appearance was that of a man in his thirties. It was their damnable aging cycle. Damn Saiya-jin…

I sat forward, rubbing my hand alongside his spine. Massaging his back softly to ease some of the pent up tension that held his body so rigid, I wondered why that name had evoked such a reaction. It was then that I noticed.

"Oh my God!" I know I shrieked it, because he jerked up, wincing and laying his hands over his ears. Shooting me a reproachful glare, he muttered something about loud women.

I paid no attention to him. I was too shocked by what was missing from his body to yell at him for being mouthy. They had taken his tail! They had taken his tail, and through all that we had shared, I had been too self-absorbed to even notice. "Your tail…" I managed to speak, though I felt my throat fast closing in on me. A tail was a Saiya-jin’s pride and joy! To take it from them, warrior and politician alike, was to shame and dishonor them. I had learned that from Vegeta.

"It’s been gone for awhile," he said quietly. "They took that the second day I was here. They wanted to ensure I didn’t get any ideas about going Oozaru." His voice was brittle, and I knew that this was a loss that was still painful both physically and mentally.

"Oh God, and I didn’t even notice when we…when we—" I pressed my hand to my mouth, pressing it hard against my lips. Shaking my head, I sat back, looking at him mournfully.

"Don’t show me pity, Bulma!" He snapped angrily. "I am a warrior and I will not see pity from anyone…" his voice trailed off weakly, and he leaned back against the wall. "I couldn’t take it from you…not you." Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply.

"I am not showing you pity, dammit!" I bit out angrily. "I am sorry for your loss, and ashamed that I didn’t notice it before now…" Shaking my head, I stood. "Dammit, why must you Saiya-jin be so damned difficult?"

There was silence for a moment, and finally when I couldn’t take it anymore, I turned back to him, shocked to find his body shaking. Was he crying? Had they finally broken him? I scuttled towards him, going down on my knees to look into his face. To my shock I found him shaking from laughter.

"You bastard!" I screeched, taking perverse pleasure in the look of pain that crossed his face. "Here I am concerned for you, and you are laughing like some juvenile! Ahhhh, you damned Saiya-jin drive me insane!" I would have stomped off, but he grabbed me, and pulled me against the strong steel of his chest.

"I’m sorry," he whispered against my ear, resting his head against mine. I could feel the burning of his skin as it rested against mine, and my concern was ignited all over again.

"You are burning up…" I murmured.

"I’ll live, Bulma," lying back, he rested against the hard wall of his cell, eying me warily. "Forget about me and my various injuries for a minute. I want to know how you knew that name?" There was the barest current of tension in the tone of his voice, and I tilted my head in curiosity.

"Negi?" I asked, wondering what memories the name held for him that it would evoke a response such as this. "You," I started shyly, glancing down at my hands that were tightly clenched in my lap. "Y-you called it the other night."

"I—I called her name?" His voice sounded so shocked that I looked back up, surprised to see him looking so aghast.

Nodding, I forced myself to meet his penetrating gaze. Even sick, the man could be imposing. "I assumed it was a woman. Was I right?"

"Yes," he choked. "She was my mate…Kakkarot and Radditz’s mother."

"Oh," I said, watching the muscle in his cheek twitch convulsively. Instinctively, I knew that it wasn’t an anger reaction as it usually was with Vegeta. This was something else…his fight to remain in control, perhaps. Whatever memories he held of his mate were painful. "We don’t have to talk about this…" I trailed off.

"No!" He said emphatically. "After last night, you deserve answers…it’s just that—"

"Bardock," I laid my hand on his arm. "You don’t owe me anything. Last night was a fluke…it isn’t as if we are would be mates…I have one…" My voice trailed off again, and I bit my lip. "At least I will until he finds out what I’ve done."

"Don’t be ridiculous." Bardock’s voice was cold and hard. "Vegeta will never let you go. He will be angry, but even he cannot overlook the Kannassans and their part in this. He will take his wrath out on me, not you…" He emitted another deep sigh, as if in acceptance of his fate. "Negi was my mate, Bulma, until Frieza killed her."

"Bardock…" I held up my hands as if to ward off a story I was sure I didn’t want to hear. The look on his face when he had heard me say her name…

"No," He held a finger to my lips, silencing me. "I have never told a living soul the things that occurred that night…not even Toma knows the complete story."

Reaching for me, he drew me into the warm embrace of his arms, settling me back against him. "I’m cold, Bulma," he said meekly. "Please…"

He was burning up, but I hardly needed to point this out to him. He was sick from something, weak from his beatings. He needed a regeneration tank…badly. I laid my body against him, breaking into a sweat almost immediately as the heat from his body burned into me through the black prison garb they had issued me. Wishing I could pull away, I forced myself to stay close to his trembling body, and listened as he told me Negi’s story.

"She was everything to me," He began, and I could feel the sharp intake of breath as he finished the sentence. "Perhaps you can understand the depth of our bond, since you share one with Vegeta that is just as profound." He smiled sadly. "It was the day of Vegeta’s coronation. I, and the rest of my squad had just been promoted to Frieza’s personal detail. We were all planet side for the ceremony." His lip curled up derisively, and I shuddered at the look of hatred that crossed over his features.

"Yes," I said sickly, remembering well, Frieza’s sick obsession with Vegeta. The memory was enough to make me close my eyes in disgust. "I remember all too well."

"I was standing there, in the hall outside the throne room, and I saw her." His voice picked up a strange undercurrent and I twisted around to look at him. Leaning his head against the wall, his eyes had drifted shut, and his face took on a dreamy, faraway look, almost as if he were there again, seeing her for the first time all over again. "She was…the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I had never had much time for women. I could appreciate beauty, any Saiya-jin could, but to even contemplate giving myself over to any one woman…" he broke off, pausing to shift his position. "They came in handy when you needed them, but to even consider mating for life…" He shook his head, and the black eyes popped open, staring directly at me. "One look at her and I was already trying to figure out how I would get her to accept me."

"Wow," I remarked soothingly, staring into the depths of his black eyes. "That must have been quite an impression."

"Her hair was as black as night, and it was so long it brushed her ankles." He shook his head. "Every time I look at Radditz..." He paused, and I watched him swallow painfully. "Gohan has her eyes, and Kakkarot."

"They say that the eyes are the mirrors to one’s soul," I smiled at him, trying to lighten a moment that was obviously painful for him.

"Oh, Gohan has her soul. I’d bet everything I am on that," Bardock smiled wistfully. "Even at his age, there is something about him…something so wise and far older than his age. He’s an old soul, and I know she is in him, I know it."

I believed him. A man like Bardock didn’t see things where there weren’t. He did see something of her in Gohan; perhaps she was reincarnated in the boy. It was hard to tell, but he obviously believed it, and he was right, I could admit that. There was something different about Gohan. Trunks…Trunks was an intense little boy, full of life and orneriness. I knew he would grow up to be a wonderful, strong man…but at heart he was what he was—a little boy. With Gohan, well he was so damn serious, and with Chi-Chi’s firm hand, already a little man. "So this woman captured your heart the minute you saw her, huh?" I elbowed him gently in the ribs, offering him a tender smile and trying once again to lighten his brooding mood. He needed to stay as positive as he could if we had any chance to get out of this miserable situation.

It worked. His mouth quirked upwards into a devilish smirk, and the action took lines of pain and grief from his face, easing the harsh look that he had been wearing since I had first been brought to him. "You could say that. She captured something, perhaps reawakened a heart I had believed killed by Frieza." The smirk fell from his mouth, twisting into a look of loathing, and the harshness was back again, transforming his face into something that was nearly unrecognizable to me.

Was this what the Kannassans had seen all those years ago when he had last come to this planet? It reminded me that he had once been, and could still be a very dangerous man, despite the softening of his disposition over the years. He was a Saiya-jin warrior and while not as strong as Vegeta or Kakkarot, he was still more than a match for anyone who crossed his path. If pushed he would kill and think little of it. I watched as he forced himself to continue.

"I first saw her on the night of Vegeta’s coronation and wedding. Your Vegeta’s father," he said after a moment, as if he felt he needed to clarify himself. I had already figured that he had meant the old King. I refrained from saying anything, knowing that whatever memories he was slipping into were harsh and painful. I had to tread carefully here. The last thing I wanted to do was anger him, or hurt him in anyway.

"She walked by me in her Saiya-jin armor, and she had the most intoxicating smell about her. It was far different from the other women. There was something different about her all together. She was tall and lean…every inch of her was toned muscle." He squeezed his eyes shut, giving me the impression that he might be conjuring up images in his brain. "I dropped everything, left Toma and the rest of the squad, and followed after her. We were in the palace and I don’t remember what I was thinking, but I can remember my heart was pounding. I’m not sure if it was excitement, or fear." He gave a short laugh. "One doesn’t toy with a Saiya-jin woman. So I knew that if she were to be agreeable to me, I would be in for the long haul."

"Can I assume that you had never entertained any ideas of mating or women at all?"

"Oh, I had entertained women, period," he said with amusement. "There were always a plethora of willing whores on Frieza’s ships, and some were decent…" he paused thoughtfully before adding. "As long as you got to them before any of Frieza’s men did. After that…" He shrugged and clamped his mouth shut. "Mostly, Toma and I found willing women on other planets. "But I had never given thought to mating with any one woman. I didn’t have time, nor did I really have the desire. My life revolved around my squad and my experiments."

"So you see this woman, and you fall instantly in love," I smiled. "That is so sweet, Bardock. I learn something new about Saiya-jin men everyday."

"More like lust…" His tired voice trailed off in amusement. "I knew that I wanted her the moment that I saw her, and I knew that I would be willing to mate with her for life if I could have her. Saiya-jin, well I don’t think we have this thing that you Chikyuu-jin call love. The bond we have is what you could use as an equivalent…well it is far deeper than mere words such as love, you know that. When we give ourselves over to another person, we do it completely. I had never felt such an instant attraction to anyone before that. There was something about her and I knew…" he swallowed again. "I can’t tell you how or what I knew, I just knew that she had to be mine." His eyes met mine for a moment, sparkling, and I felt my heart speed up. "I followed after her that night, and watched as she took her place amongst the new King’s personal guard. Apparently, she had been one of his personal guards as Prince…just promoted actually. When he ascended, he kept his guard intact. It was a great honor for any Saiya-jin."

"Did this make her higher than you?" I asked after a moment.

"No," he shrugged nonchalantly. "My squad served Frieza. He was the ultimate power. And we had just gotten our own promotion for jobs well done," his mouth turned up sardonically. "I had Frieza’s full attention."

"I’m sorry for that," I said sadly. "I saw his attention focused on Vegeta, I can’t…" My voice trailed off. What was there to say? Frieza’s personal attention was something that no one would have wanted. The memories of Frieza still haunted me, and I could only imagine what horrors still clung to Vegeta, living in his dreams and memories.

"Yes," Bardock said quietly, glancing down at his hands. "He was unwavering once he gets it into his mind he wants something. Vegeta suffered far more than I did, though. At least in personal attention," he added in afterthought. "You managed to save his soul, though. You both defeated him. I think Frieza was able to claim mine."

"I can’t believe that," I leaned forward, laying my hand on his cheek. "I can’t believe that for a moment." My words were fervent, and he leaned into my caress.

"He took her from me, Bulma. When he did that, he cut out my soul. He destroyed it. You know, it wasn’t too long after her death that I came her to Kannassa and wiped out seventy percent of the population. I was so angry, and I wanted to make things suffer the way that I had." His body trembled with each word, so I gathered him in my arms, pulling him close.

"Bardock, you are hardly the same man," I whispered into his ear, pressing a kiss on his fevered brow. "You know that, I know that."

"You’re wrong, Bulma. I am Saiya-jin to the core, and if given the chance I would gladly wipe out civilizations. It’s in my blood, and Frieza knew this, so he exploited my entire race. He took us when we were children, and he trained us to be nothing more than cold-blooded exterminators of life. It is all I know."

"So how did he destroy Negi?" I asked, realizing that in his current condition, it would do me no good to argue. I would hear the rest of his tale, and see what I could do then. "How did he destroy the one part of you that was good?" Despite his fervent claims, I knew that this was his fever talking and not him. Perhaps even guilt over a situation he could no longer change. He obviously blamed himself for a good many things. But I knew with certainty that he was no longer the same man that had once wiped out so many people and civilizations. None of the Saiya-jin I knew were. Oh, Vegeta could talk a good game, but even he would not wipe out innocents, not if he could avoid it. He called it a weakness, I called it humanity.

"She agreed to have me…" his voice trailed off as he continued. "That night, I followed her, stalking her. I was the predator and she was my prey. I waited and when she was alone, and unaware, I captured her."

The images his words evoked made me shiver. Whether it was with fear or desire, I could hardly say. There was something very exciting about being hunted and captured, and at the same time, I had to remind myself that Hachuu had put things in my mind that shouldn’t be there. Doubtless, he would find all of this out, and use it against Bardock in some horrible fashion. I needed to find some way to get Vegeta back in my mind, to get past the anger at what he had done, what Hachuu had manipulated me into finding out. I needed to remember the good times with the man. It was the only thing that might save me from all of this. Vegeta, despite the things he had done to me, was the man that I loved. He was the man that I desired. I had to remember that, I couldn’t let Hachuu have his way with my mind and thoughts.

"I don’t know if she saw me following her or not, but she was easily captured, and knowing Negi…well, I’d say she let me have her. She was a strong woman, and not one given to weakness of any kind." His mouth turned up again into a small smile. It was a smile of such sweetness that I found myself unable to breath.

"So she thought you were something, too, huh?"

"She let me have her that night," his smile widened, and his eyes darkened with an emotion I couldn’t put a name to. "I can still remember the feel of her hair beneath my hands…like silk, and her skin was like satin. She was like no Saiya-jin woman I had ever seen. I had never experienced anything as wild and fierce as I did that night. Her smell was all over me, and it drove me mad." I felt a shudder run through him, and his body tightened against my mine. " I think we both lost our minds that night."

"So I gather you mated with her instantly. You Saiya-jin waste no time," I smiled, touched by the look of reverence on his face as he spoke of her and his memories of her. He had deeply cared for the woman…though I doubted he would have ever put the word love to what they had shared. It was so un Saiya-jin to speak of love when they had the bond, as he had pointed out, and I could well understand that, having had the experience first hand. They felt things on a far deeper level then most humans. I had once thought it so incongruous with their warrior lifestyles, but I realize now that it could be no other way with a race like the Saiya-jin. They fought and lived and loved with a fierceness that was unequaled in the universe. Love was a paltry emotion for them, and it was a word they rarely used, preferring to experience and share their feelings through the bond. Only Kakkarot seemed capable of freely using the word, and only he truly understood why the word love meant so much to simple humans such as myself.

"I bonded with her that night," Bardock said proudly. "And she was pregnant with Radditz that night." The look of pride on his face was unmistakable and I shook my head. Poor woman had probably never known what hit her.

My first time with Vegeta had resulted in Trunks. Perhaps the Saiya-jin were far more fertile than I had ever imagined. "I’m sure she was thrilled," I raised my eyebrows.

"She was, though that changed as her body did. Radditz was always a difficult brat, even in the womb." Snorting, he looked away. "His birth took us both by surprise and it was my hands that brought him into this world." Spreading his hands, he stared down at them. "I can still remember that little body sliding into my hands, and his tail wrapping around my wrist. She was so tired…but I can never forget the look of joy on her face when she saw her child for the first time."

"Just like Trunks…" I breathed. "You brought Trunks into this world. If it hadn’t been for you and Vegeta, I’m not sure I could have ever done it."

"You did fine, as well as any Saiya-jin woman I have seen." He reached out, and took my hands. "Bringing Trunks…" he paused, amending his statement. "Bringing Prince Trunks into the world was my honor, Bulma."

"I will always be grateful that you were there," I leaned towards him, brushing his cheek with a chaste kiss. "Vegeta could hardly encourage me and bring his son into the world at the same time, though I knew he would have given it his best shot. Your presence allowed him to concentrate on me. I don’t think I could have ever done it without him where he was. Thank you…"

His hand rose to my mouth, and I saw the black eyes darken with emotion. Inhaling raggedly, he drew a finger over my bottom lip. "It was my honor…"

The motion was sensual, and I felt my stomach flip. I had to get away from him, or I was going to wind up on my back again, giving myself to Bardock, and playing directly into Hachuu’s hands. I couldn’t allow him to win this, and I couldn’t allow him to manipulate me in this way. Still pulling away from him was the hardest thing I had ever done, and I was loath to do it. I kept telling myself that it was Hachuu. I repeated those words like a mantra in my mind, hoping it would overtake the strong thoughts and feelings that the bastard Kannassan had put into my mind.

Bardock was lost; I could see that as he leaned closer to me, brushing my mouth with his own. He was hurt and vulnerable. The memories I had inadvertently forced him to dredge up were tearing him apart. He was easy prey for Hachuu at this point, unable to fight. It was up to me, it had to be me, if we were going to get out of this.

His kiss deepened, and at first I responded, eagerly returning it as his tongue plundered my mouth. Something heavy settled in my stomach, and I felt him lowering me to the ground, working his hand up my shirt to settle on my breast. It was then that my panic flared anew. Pushing at him, I turned my head, breaking the kiss. "Negi," I gasped, trying to fight the desire that was flooding my mind and body. "Let’s get back to Negi!" Bardock was filling my mind, and I struggled against the thoughts, struggled to find Vegeta. There was a flare of anger as I thought his name, a renewal of the feelings that I had first felt when I had the confirmation of his actions from Hachuu, and I cursed.

Hachuu was playing his game well. He was toying with me, making sure that the anger and pain stayed fresh in my mind. He was reminding me, urging me to give into Bardock, and I had to fight him. He was playing on my vulnerability and my doubt of Vegeta’s feelings. I couldn’t think of any of that. Right now, I couldn’t doubt; I couldn’t think of the reasons that I was mad at Vegeta…I had to think of the things that held good memories for me. I had to think about my time with him, what it was like to be held in his arms, what he was able to do to me…

Bardock was working my shirt upwards, lost in his own desire. Perhaps Hachuu had even convinced him that I was his long dead mate. Perhaps he was playing a more dangerous game with Bardock’s mind. I didn’t want to think about it. Bardock felt good, his hands on me felt good, but I had to fight. I craved the security and the companionship, but not from him. He was a replacement for the man I really wanted. No matter that I might be attracted to Bardock, he wasn’t Vegeta… I loved Vegeta, I desired Vegeta, and no one could do to me what Vegeta was able to. Bardock’s mouth settled against my breast, nipping at it, suckling the nipple, and though I moaned in pleasure, I found myself reaching for those memories of Vegeta that Hachuu has shuffled around in my mind. Slowly and surely he had isolated me from all of my feelings for Vegeta, had isolated me from his presence in my heart, and I had allowed it. He had replaced the good things with negativity and manipulated my emotions to suit his needs.

"Bardock," I groaned against his mouth. "Please…no, we have to fight this. I felt his hardness against me, felt his knee settle between my legs.

"Negi…" He moaned against my skin. His own skin was hot against me, and I was reminded again that not only had Hachuu fucked with his mind but he was also half delusional from fever.

"I am not Negi, Bardock. Dammit, I’m Bulma! I am the mate of your Prince!" I grated out desperately, pushing against him. "We have to fight this. I don’t want you, Bardock, I want Vegeta! Hachuu has taken my feelings for Vegeta and transferred them to you, and I—we have to stop this. He is playing us both, you know that!" God, was he so far gone that he would rape me? I honestly didn’t know. All I know is that somehow, I had managed to find Vegeta in my heart and soul, and I was clinging to that for dear life. Hachuu might have taken my bond from me, but he had underestimated my love and desire for my mate. I would fight him, and I would fight this!

Bardock didn’t seem inclined to listen, let alone stop. This was going to happen, and there was little I was able to do to stop him. He was stronger than I was, and his hands were so damn insistent. Still, though I would hold onto Vegeta, I would close my eyes and I would find every memory of Vegeta. I would not let him go, I couldn’t. If I gave into what Hachuu wanted and let him toy with my emotions and feelings, if I let him take Vegeta away from me, I was far weaker than I had ever imagined. I understood now, what it was that Hachuu was doing. How simple it had been all along, but no more. No more!

I felt panic bloom in the pit of my belly as he began to maneuver my pants from my body. He obviously thought I was Negi, and perhaps he even imagined it was the night of his first mating with her. Hachuu had probably gotten a hold of all our thoughts and was now manipulating us again. I had been stupid enough to ask about her, and now that she was forefront in Bardock’s mind, along with all the pain he had felt at her death, Hachuu was going to dredge it up and find someway to tear his heart out with it. This couldn’t happen…I couldn’t let it. Shoving at him, I managed to raise my leg up to separate our bodies. "Bardock!" I shrieked, frantically grabbing at his hands. God, even hurt and ill he was strong. "You have to come back to me, you have to stop this! Please…" I begged, feeling hot tears course down my cheeks. "I don’t want this, not like this…" There had to be some way to reach him.

He paused, and for a moment, I thought that maybe I had reached through to him. It was to my immense shock that he cried out in agony, rearing back to clutch at his head. "Bardock? " I sat up, relieved that he was off of me, but concerned at the sudden pain that seemed to be engulfing him. Crawling towards him, I grabbed his hands, trying to force them from his face. Shoving me away, he fell back against the wall, shrinking, finally, into a ball on the floor.

Watching him in horror, I listened to his incoherent ramblings and hoarse cries of denial. Names were torn from him in shock and agony. He seemed oblivious to all except whatever hell he was going through. I felt hot anger flood my body. Damn the Kannassans! What kind of monsters were they? What had they done to him? What was causing this? Clenching my fists, I moved towards him again, hesitantly, reaching out a shaking hand to lie on his trembling body. Before I could make contact with him, the door hissed open, and I was being grabbed. The guards surrounded me, hauling me, shrieking and fighting, out of the cell. I fought and twisted, bit and yelled, kicked and punched, until finally one of the fucking guards chopped me hard across the neck. My world went black, and later—much later, I awoke to find myself locked in my solitary cell, cold, alone, and desperate to know what had happened to Bardock.

What could have caused so much pain and suffering in him? It had been more than just physical pain. I had witnessed mental anguish as well. He had suffered with something horrible. What could Hachuu have done to him? Needing to know, but knowing that I would learn nothing until Hachuu wished for me to know, I crossed my cell angrily, pounding my fists angrily against the door until they burned with pain. I had to get out of this hell! I had to find some way to get out of here. I had dodged a bullet with Bardock earlier. He would have taken me; I had little doubt of that. He had never even finished telling me what had happened to Negi.

Sliding to the floor, I sat with my back against the door, shivering, calling for a man that I knew couldn’t even feel me. He had earned my anger, and God knew we had much to work out, but right now, I had never needed anyone as much as I needed him right now. I craved to feel those steel arms around me. I wanted to hear his deep voice in my ear, murmuring something, anything to me that might help me stay sane. I wanted to feel the heat from his body as he burned against me. At this moment, it didn’t matter that he had betrayed my trust, or that my resolve to make him pay for his actions was crumbling. All I needed was him.

"Vegeta…" I whispered into the coldness of the black cell. I had whispered his name over and over again in the chill darkness of my cell, rocking silently back and forth, arms wrapped tightly around my knees. What I felt then, I feel now, as I record this. I need him, no matter what he has done to me. I will deal with all of that later. Right now I need him. God, how I need him.

 

DAY ELEVEN

Chi-Chi’s baby is dead. I know I sound cold-hearted, putting it out there so bluntly, but there it is. I can’t whitewash the truth, and I want anyone who might listen to this to know what really happened. Those damned, murdering bastards killed her baby as surely as if they had ripped it from her womb and ended its life with their bare hands.

It would have been kinder if they had. This baby never stood a chance. For this child it was a slow, excruciating death. Damn them! Damn their souls straight to Hell! They starved it. Oh, I know that is was barely a fetus in her body. On a rational level, I know that it could hardly have known or really felt what was happening to it. At least I pray to all the Gods in the universe that it didn’t, but in my heart…as a mother…oh God! It’s only crime…its only crime was that it had been of Bardock’s blood. Is Hachuu’s hatred so deep, is his soul so far gone that he would stoop to such a horrific level? I know…I know what he told me, I know that he wanted Bardock to procreate for his twisted, sick revenge. Still, there was this part of me that truly believed that there was no one sick enough to actually take their hatred, and their insanity out on a child. Naïve, I know…

What is even worse is that I fear Chi-Chi will give up on her life. Without Gohan, without Kakkarot, with the loss of this child, I fear that it will be too much. She is as isolated as I am…and she has no one to help her. Her child was keeping her going, at least a little bit. She is strong, her mind is strong, or at least it was. Days of no food, and no company have taken their toll. Hell, if I hadn’t been thrown into Bardock’s cell, I would be the same way. I was well on my way until I was able to see him. Worrying over him gave me something to do than think about this damn situation, listening to him talk has helped to not feel so alone. Chi-Chi hasn’t had that same comfort. What am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do help her? I don’t know what to do!

They came to me early this morning. I think I only got a few hours sleep last night. My mind was plagued with thoughts of Vegeta, of Trunks, and there was worry over Bardock…agony over my betrayal. When sleep finally did come…well, let’s just say that my dreams were beset with the same unrelenting thoughts that were haunting me every minute of the day.

Groggily, I had followed them; half expecting to be drug back to Bardock’s cell. I had not been allowed to see Chi-Chi for days, and to my immense shame—to my immense guilt, I hadn’t worried about her or demanded to see her like I should have. I was so preoccupied, so absorbed with my own problems that I had never once thought that it would come to what it did. I’m not sure what that says about me as a human. I’m not sure I really want to know. I will never be the same, not after all of this…you can’t go through something like this, see it happen and not come out of it a different person

Instead of Bardock’s cell, however, I was shoved roughly into Chi-Chi’s. Her cell is as bleak as mine, and just as empty. It didn’t take long for my eyes to find her and when I did, shock and stark terror flooded my system like a tidal wave. I should have been worrying about her…I should have been…

She lay limp and unmoving on the small, hard bench. At first I thought for a horrifying moment that she might be dead, and my belly lurched as my eyes traveled down her figure, garbed in the same black prison uniform as my own. Her arms rested over her perfectly flat belly. I thought I might hyperventilate as I staggered to her, dropping to my knees and gasping her name through that hard, painful lump that clogged my throat.

"Oh, God, Chi-Chi!" I cried in a voice I could barely recognize as my own. Reaching out a hand, I swept it over her lank hair, resting my palm against the cool flesh of her cheek. "Chi-Chi…" I cried again, unmindful of the hot tears that burned my eyes.

Vaguely, I realized that she was still breathing, though it was shallow and barely noticeable. Biting my lip, I felt for a pulse, and found it…slow and thready. Perusing her body for any injuries, my eyes traveled over her body, and it was then that I noticed the wetness that darkened her pants between her legs. Cold dread ran through me, licking up my spine and leaving me cold to the very marrow of my bones. Forcing myself to stay calm, knowing that I couldn’t scream, cry, or collapse to the ground as I wanted to, I took a deep breath, inhaling slowly through my nose. Narrowing my eyes, and dimly aware of the guards who stood behind me, I snapped. "Get me some water, now!" I had no idea if they moved to obey. My contempt for them had been heavy in my tone, and I was probably lucky they hadn’t beaten me for it.

Moving down her body, I reached a tentative hand to touch the wetness on her pants. Drawing my hand back, I realized in dawning horror that my fingers were stained crimson. It was blood and when I looked closer, I realized that it was pooling under her. She was miscarrying. I could recognize the signs of that easily enough. Feeling bile rising up from the depths of my belly, I lurched away from her, sick.

Hachuu had succeeded, I realized as my breath came harsh and fast. He had managed to kill the first of Bardock’s blood. The thought made me sick, and I leaned over to throw up. As I retched, I heard my name being called from what seemed a great distance.

"Bulma…" It was Chi-Chi, her voice so weak that I barely heard her. Forcing myself up, I crawled towards her, unable to stop the steady flow of tears that finally burst forth from my eyes in a hot, burning rush.

"Chi-Chi, " I cried breathily, gasping for air to stop myself from hyperventilating, I reached out a trembling hand, clasping hers tightly.

"Bulma, my baby…" Her body twisted, and the grip of her hand tightened as she gripped mine. "It hurts…" she paused, swallowing hard, and I saw the pain that crossed her features. Whether it was from the loss of her child, or the fact that she had been given barely enough water to keep her alive, I couldn’t tell. Her lips were dry and cracked, and I watched as she tried to wet them with an equally dry tongue.

"Dammit!" I shrieked hysterically, throwing a glance over my shoulder. "I need water!" I realized that the guards had left, and I prayed that they had gone to get what I needed. I knew that if they let her live, it would be to their benefit. If I could keep her going, and if we could figure some way off this planet, then I could fix her. I could undo all the harm they had done, though I certainly couldn’t give her the child back.

"Bulma, please don’t let it die, you have to help me!" She struggled to sit up, and gently I pushed her back down, unable to stop the sobs that wracked my own body at the beseeching look on her face. "Please..." she begged. "You have to do something."

She was beyond reason; I could see the look of despair that swirled in the depths of her black eyes. "Chi-Chi," I whispered, tasting the salt of my tears as they ran over my lips. "I—"

I was spared having to answer by the door snapping open, and the guards coming back in with a small container of water. Tossing it to me, they stood back, arms crossed, watching us impassively. I shot them a hateful glare as I gathered the precious water to me. Ripping a strip of material from my shirt, I dipped it in the water and pressed it gently against her lips. She sucked at it desperately.

"More," she implored, and I complied. I have no idea how many times I repeated the action, each time with her sucking the liquid greedily. Finally, I helped her sit up, supporting her weight as she sipped the water. She would have gulped it, but I forced her to go slow, knowing that it would only come back up if she guzzled it. When she was done, I eased her back down, laying the wet cloth on her forehead. Taking care of her had distracted me from her child, but now as I looked down into her black eyes, reality came rushing back to me, and my heart pounded so loudly, it filled my ears. What was I going to tell her? How did I even know that the child was gone? She needed medical attention. Blood didn’t mean that the inevitable had happened. Perhaps there was even a chance to save the child. This was my friend, and even though I had failed her so far, I had a chance to do something for her now. I had never been one to back down from anything. I had to take the opportunity.

"Chi-Chi," I whispered, pressing my cheek against hers. "I will do what I can for the baby. Please just rest…" She looked into my eyes, and I saw the terror and the pain that lie in the obsidian depths. Finally, she nodded, and I stood, steeling myself for a confrontation. Turning around, I faced the arrogant guards that stood leaning against the wall of the cell, looking for the entire world as if they were bored. Anger rushed through me, and I felt the blood rush to my face. "This woman needs medical attention." I snapped.

"Only Hachuu can authorize that," one Kannassan said lazily, face blank.

"Then get him," I grated out impatiently. "He obviously authorized you getting me if she took a turn for the worse. He surely wants her healed so he can torment her some more."

They looked at each other for a moment, and I could almost see their brains smoking as they tried to reason out what I had said. Impatient for action, I snapped at them again. "Go and get him!" A low moan drew my attention back to Chi-Chi and I turned my head to her, watching as she tossed her head fitfully.

"Fine!" The lead guard barked, moving from the wall. Grabbing my arm, he jerked me with him, and half drug me down the hall in the direction of Hachuu’s offices. I supposed I would be the one that would beg for Chi-Chi’s life, or at least the life of her child. How in the hell was I going to convince him to allow anything of Bardock’s to survive? Hell, I didn’t even know if the baby was still alive. Still, the memory of her eyes…desperate and terror filled kept me going. I had to try. It was all she had to cling to, and it was all I had to cling to. If I kept moving, I didn’t have to face what was happening. I didn’t have to think about it. And more importantly, if she had hope, she might find the will to survive this imprisonment.

We reached Hachuu’s quarters quickly enough, and with a disgruntled curse, I was shoved into the room. Off balance, I landed on the floor hard, and to my immense shame, I cried out as my arm hit the cold rock awkwardly.

He stood in front of a window, watching me with something akin to pleasured amusement. Shooting him a look of hateful contempt, and clutching my arm to my body, I struggled to stand. The bastard loves making me subservient to him. I swear I will find a way to make him bow before me before this is all over. I will return his scorn tenfold.

"To what do I owe the dubious pleasure of your company," he asked mockingly. Clasping his hands in front of him, he turned fully to me, watching me with interest.

"You know exactly why I’m here! Let’s not waste time playing games," I bit out through clenched teeth. "Chi-Chi…she needs medical attention. She and her baby are very ill."

"And this should trouble me…" he paused, letting his cold words sink in. "Why?"

"Goddamn you, you monster!" I cried, taking step towards him. "How can you treat an innocent woman and her unborn child this way? She has done nothing to you!" I shook my head in disbelief, rage at his seemingly limitless cruelty burning in my veins. Your grudge is against Bardock, not her."

"She is the daughter of Bardock. She carries…" pausing, he smiled coldly at me, face twisting into a contemptuous, superior _expression. "Or should I say she carried his blood. As my family was taken from me, so shall his be taken from him."

"She is not his daughter, merely his daughter-in-law!" I cried, as if it made any difference Hachuu. "How can you persist in this? Isn’t it enough that you have Bardock himself? Didn’t you tell me that you had every plan to breed a child between Bardock and myself to use in vengeance against him? Why can’t that be enough for you?" My voice hitched on the last words, and I clamped my mouth shut, not wanting to break down in front of him.

"You did not hold my child as she bled to death from her injuries!" He roared angrily, blank face suddenly livid with rage and agony. "It wasn’t your child that was slaughtered before your very eyes. My wife was killed as she begged for our unborn child’s life. I watched that monster and his fellow Saiya-jin scum turn themselves into monstrous animals and crush the life off of this planet. I swore to my wife, to my children, to my fellow Kannassans that I would avenge their death whenever I could. I spent years burning with the desire to do just that, but I was unable to do so, having no knowledge of where Bardock might be, or even if he lived. When I might have finally gone off planet to hunt him down, I was forced to turn my attention to rebuilding and protecting my planet. And then, just when I thought all hope of ever avenging the wrongs done to this planet, and me my vision came. And oh, what a glorious vision it turned out to be. It showed me that he would come back to this planet, that he would come to this planet with others, and my chance for vengeance would finally be at hand. I spent years planning on the torments I would put him through, and I will not see my opportunity wasted. In the eyes of my people, in the eyes of our dead, what he goes through even now is not enough. He must feel the pain that he caused…he must know." His voice had gone deep, and his body shook with emotion. His cold eyes blazed out at me, alight with barely suppressed fury.

"I’m sorry for your losses, Hachuu," I said unsteadily, knowing full well that I had underestimated the pain and anger that raged through his heart and soul. "But I can’t believe that your child, that your wife would want you to take the lives of innocent people to avenge them. It won’t bring them back, nor will it ease the pain that eats at your soul."

"What would you know?" He sneered angrily. "You, who have willingly mated with a Saiya-jin dog. What would you know of my pain?"

"I have lost a child to another’s cruelty, Hachuu. Me and the Saiya-jin dog that you don’t even know. I carried a child…his child, and Frieza killed it, just as he killed millions of people throughout the entire galaxy. I understand rage and pain! You are not alone!"

"Then you should well understand the desire to strike back at that which has hurt you," his composure returned, he stepped towards me, looking down into my eyes. "My grudge is not with you, that is true, nor is it with the other woman…but you are both damned simply because you came here with Bardock. For your friend, I am afraid she carries the grandson of Bardock. That sealed her fate, for all of his blood must die. I am more than willingly to make sacrifices in order to make him suffer. If that means that innocent people die, then so be it. My soul was damned years ago, I know that. His lips curled up unpleasantly, and I felt a cold finger trail up my spine at the half mad glint in his eye. "You will die, by the way. After I have the child that Bardock will give you, you will die. Bardock’s atonement must be bought with pain and suffering. He must understand all that he has wrought before he is given the release of death. You will help me achieve that, just as the other woman will." His voice had risen in a feverish, excited pitch.

"I will never willingly give you any child of mine to use. I will find a way to kill you," I breathed finally, body shaking from his menacing words. "You are truly damned, Hachuu if you follow this course."

"You needn’t have any concern for my eternal soul, Bulma Briefs," He smirked tauntingly. "I have long ago accepted that I was willing to trade that for the death of Bardock." Bending towards me, his smirk curled into a cold smile. "You needn’t be concerned for your friend. The daughter of Bardock will be taken to the regeneration tank. She has only begun to be of service to my cause. Her child however…" He paused, shrugging his shoulders carelessly. "I am afraid that the child is the first loss of many that will come for Bardock."

"Damn you!" I shrieked, forcing myself to not attack him where he stood. He was far stronger than I was, and I had no desire to be rendered incapacitated by the damn electro whips. I would do no one any good like that.

"Yes," he taunted me. "Bardock will be informed of the death of his grandchild shortly, as I am taking his penance with my whip. As the burning lash descends, he will know pain and suffering he never dreamed imaginable." His voice trailed off almost dreamily, and I fought back the urge to throw up again. The bile rose up anyway, and with a shudder I swallowed it down, trying to maintain my composure. It was all I had left. "I will let you go to him this night, perhaps he will have need of your comfort…" his voice had gone cold, and I saw the speculative gleam in his eye.

"You sick bastard," I spat. "I will never give you what you want. We will fight this!"

"Perhaps, for a while." His face suddenly devoid of all _expression, he moved to the door, he opened it, motioning for the guards that hovered just outside. Turning back to me, he clasped his hands behind his back. "But then, in time, you will be unable to battle me. Already your will and spirit have weakened. It is just a matter of time before you have given me everything I desire." Turning back to the guards, he spoke with amusement," Please escort our guest back to her own quarters."

"What about Chi-Chi?" I asked, as they grasped my arms painfully.

Waving his hand impatiently, he spoke, "You needn’t worry about her health. I am not done with her yet."

It was then that they drug me back to my cell, and I have been here for hours since, waiting. For what, I have no idea. He already told me that I would be taken to Bardock. Meanwhile, while I wait, Chi-Chi has lost a child, and Bardock is suffering God knows what. Would I be like this, would I be like Hachuu, had my pain and hatred been allowed to fester for years? Would I willingly trade my soul for the destruction of my most hated enemy? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t have allowed myself to lose my humanity. It was impossible to fathom.

God, the waiting is going to drive me mad, and his words…his plans…they keep echoing in my mind, urging me to action. We have to get off this planet immediately. We have no choices. We are going to die, and what is worse than death: whatever sick tortures that Hachuu has planned for us before he will finally let us die. It is so hard to keep anything in my mind with him able to enter at will. He can make suggestions, introduce thoughts that were never there…read our minds and know exactly what he have planned. How can you battle an enemy like this? What can I do? It seems so hopeless, yet I know that if I ever want to see Trunks again, I have to figure out something. I have to be strong for my child.

They are here now…I have to go.

 

DAY TWELVE

Something far worse has happened. Something terrible…

I thought they were taking me to Bardock…

I was…wrong.

I was taken back to Hachuu late last night, hours after our confrontation earlier. It was pitch black out night, murky in spots where the moon shone down, illuminating a thick fog that had rolled in from somewhere; I could see that through the low windows that lined the corridor. How strange, I thought. It didn’t seem to be a planet that would have heavy fogs. The thought vanished as I saw the moonlight, though, and I wished for a second that I were a Saiya-jin so that I might transform and get us out of here.

I hadn’t thought to question them about where I was going. Hachuu had told me that I would be taken to Bardock. I had accepted that. I had planned to find out what in the hell had happened to him earlier, and perhaps to pass the time, I would have heard the rest of Negi’s story. As we walked, however, it came clear to me that we weren’t taking the usual way to Bardock, and we had passed by Chi-Chi’s cell. I was heading towards Hachuu.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked tersely.

"Hachuu has commanded your presence," A hulking guard said.

"Why?" The blood drained from my face as I thought of Chi-Chi. Oh god, had something gone wrong in her healing? Had she died with her child? My heart thudded painfully in my chest, and I curled my hand into a tight fist. I prayed then, prayed that she was all right. In retrospect, I should have prayed that we would all find our peace in death. For what has happened is certainly a fate far worse.

We reached the room, and they pushed me in. The room was darkened, though lit enough that I could see. Still, it was far darker than I was comfortable with. Looking about, I saw Hachuu standing in the corner, in an obvious state of agitation. Beside him stood a blue skinned man that I had never seen before. He was handsome enough, but there was something about him…and the way that he was dressed that sent a jolt of alarm through me.

"Princess Bulma," A low, cool voice spoke my name, vaguely remiscent of a voice I had heard long ago, a voice that still held the power to haunt my dreams, yet different somehow. Its pitch made the fine hairs on my neck stand on end, almost as if I were near some kind of electrical charge. It came from behind me, and I turned slowly to face him.

He was nearly identical to Frieza, enough so that I knew who it was immediately. "Koola…" I breathed, sweeping my eyes over the tall, imposing figure. He stood proudly, and I noticed that there was something emblazoned across his head. Squinting, I took a harder look. It looked like an M, scrawled cross the pale white of his skin. I had never seen anything like it. What in the world did it mean?

"I see you recognize me," he smiled pleasantly enough, but there was something profoundly menacing about the action, and I shivered violently. Vegeta had told me that Koola would come looking for revenge. I hadn’t doubted him, but I had always thought he would be there to protect me…I have never even considered that I might have to face him on my own, or worse on his own turf, under his control. My body shakes even now as this new reality begins to sink in to my mind. At the time, last night, all I could think of was how… how had he managed to find me, and on Kannassa of all places?

"You resemble Frieza," I managed to choke out, hoping my voice was steady. I had prayed for deliverance from this hellish situation, but it seemed that I was leaping from the frying pan and into the fire.

"Yes, my dear brother…" he paused, running a purple tongue over his lips, and it seemed as if the M on his forehead glowed red for a moment. "You would have good reason to know him well, wouldn’t you?" His lips curled into a grimace, and I took a faltering step back. I was looking at my own death in those eyes. Would he strike me dead right here and now?

Seeing my fright excited him, for he tipped his head back and laughed deeply. "You needn’t worry about your imminent death. I have many uses for a mind as brilliant as yours, not to mention the lure of crushing Vegeta," His eyes glowed with a blood lust that I had never seen equaled in anything living, and fear gripped my heart like a painful vise. Vegeta…oh god, I had to find a way to let him know…but how?

Koola turned his head to Hachuu. "I want them prepared for my ship immediately. They will be leaving with me."

Hachuu’s face wavered for a moment, and I watched as he straightened his back, putting on his most imposing face. "They are my prisoners, I have business with Bardock of Vegitasei…I would see it finished."

Koola’s face darkened, and I watched as the blue man crossed the room towards me. His eyes seemed to caress my body, disgusting me, and I swallowed hard as he encircled my arm with his hand. His grip was tight and firm, but not painful.

"Take her back to her cell, Sauzza, while I…negotiate with Hachuu. It would seem that the Kannassan needs some encouragement." Koola turned his head towards me and smiled. The words, along with the almost empty _expression filled me with dread and I wondered if Hachuu had heard the implied threat within them? Or was he so caught up in his desire to see Bardock pay for his crimes that he would blindly ignore what Koola could do to him, and his planet? Knowing Hachuu, nothing sort of violence would move him. It would seem his people, the very people he sought to avenge and protect, would end up paying the price for his blindness.

"What of the Namekkians?" Sauzza asked, and I swear I heard fear in his voice. Even Koola’s lackeys were afraid of him. "Will we find aid in dealing with them?"

"I’m sure that I will be able to negotiate everything we need." Koola’s voice had gone low, and his face was devoid of any and all _expression. I shot a quick glance to Hachuu and met his eyes. I watched as he darted his gaze from mine. He was scared, and he hadn’t the power to keep us here. He knew it. He would have to give us over to Koola if he wanted his planet to survive, and even that was no guarantee.

"Come," Sauzza’s voice sounded near my ear, and he tugged at me. I had no choice but to follow him. The door snapped shut behind us and we faced the two guards that had brought me to Hachuu. Like the fools they were, they blocked his way. "Move aside," he commanded in irritation. "Or I will blast you to Hell."

"Where are you taking her?" They stood firm, but I saw fear flicker across both their faces. Such a brave race when they were mistreating women and killing babies.

"This prisoner is no longer of any concern to you," Sauzza sneered, and I watched him lift his hand palm out.

"Fools!" I cried. "Let him pass!" Why I bothered to help them, I have no idea. But I couldn’t be a party to any more murders. I was not like them. It was too late, though, and I watched in stunned horror as the blast flew from his palm, cringing back as the two guards were incinerated before my eyes.

"Fools," he spat, pulling me through the smoke and acrid smell that gagged me, half dragging me down the hall. "The galaxy will be a far better place without this miserable rock and its disgusting inhabitants. They stink like the heathens they are."

"I couldn’t deny that the Kannassans reeked…and in death the smell was amplified. Still, I had no words for him as he drug me down the hall. My throat was paralyzed with fear, and I didn’t want his attention on me. I had seen the way his eyes had flickered over me. I didn’t know what he was capable of and I was not ready to find out.

We reached my rooms in record time, and it was as he shoved me in that the shock of what was happening began to wear off, and reality started to seep into my mind. Koola was here, and he was about to take me prisoner…he was going to use me against Vegeta, and God knows what else he had planned. I had killed his brother…what was I going to do?

"I will be back for you shortly," he said in a cool voice. "I would stay to entertain you," again his eyes lurched over my frame, and I felt the urge to vomit. "But Koola was adamant that I get the others rounded up. I wouldn’t want to anger him. With an oily, suggestive smile, he left, and I sunk to the floor in shock and terror.

I had prayed every day to any and every God in the known galaxy that we would find a way off this planet and away from Hachuu. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that Koola would be our way off. He wanted me for revenge…he would use me against Vegeta…and God knows what would happen to any of us as his captives. Was this some kind of Karmic joke?

They came this morning, early…two of Koola’s guards. Sauzza was nowhere to be found. After much handling…I swear the bastards were trying to feel me up, I was taken to his ship. I saw no sign of Bardock, or Chi-Chi, and Hachuu was noticeably absent. Was he dead? Had he been a fool?

They threw me in a room that was not much larger than the cell I had been in previously, leaving me alone to try to digest all that had happened to me in a matter of hours. It was then, as I felt the roar of the engines, that I fell to the hard floor and sobbed. This was happening…he had me…Koola had me!

And then suddenly, like a lightening bolt, for the first time in weeks, I felt his presence…there were no words, no feelings, just the presence that filled me up inside and made me feel whole. He was alive…and the bond was intact. Freed from Hachuu’s control, my bond had returned. It was as if we were bonding all over again, the sensation was so intense. The feel of him felt so wondrous, so good after I had gone so long without it. Despite what I had learned, I felt a tremendous relief with him back where he had always belonged. I wasn’t so alone anymore. I would reason the other stuff out in time. Right now I was in dire trouble, and so was he…I had to communicate with him, I had to let him know what the dangers were. That was more important than anything else. There would be time enough to let him feel my anger and pain…and as hard as it was to turn away from that and not flood his body with it, I forced myself to remain calm, though I kept myself distant. There was too much I couldn’t share with him…not yet. And he had to know that there was something between us now, my pride would not allow me to pretend there wasn’t anything wrong. Let him wonder…it was the vindictive side of me, and as long as I was remembering what was most important, our lives, what did a little vindictiveness matter? He had earned that much at least.

It was as I worked all of this out for myself, that I felt something odd between us. He wasn’t himself. There was something wrong. I could sense that. What it was, I couldn’t tell. But he was unable to answer me, and his senses seemed dulled, and remote. Had he been hurt? I attuned myself more, trying to reach him, my earlier bit of anger washed away in a tide of worry and concern. He was in…pain. From what I had no idea, only that he was in pain, and he seemed unable to respond in any way, shape or form to my prodding.

Was he still with the witches on Calonia? Anxiety filled me. Had he rescued Trunks? There were a hundred things I wanted to barrage him with, and not being able to find out, not knowing…coupled with my current situation brought me to the point of near hysteria.

What had happened to put him in this much pain? What had happened to render him unable to contact me? Was he dying? Was Trunks all right? Being so close to contacting him, and being able to feel him…it was awful. Finally I decided to record all of this in an effort to keep my sanity. I could easily imagine all sorts of horrible fates for him and Trunks…I had to keep my mind free of such speculation…I have to…

I have been pacing the room for hours, just maintaining the link, just letting him feel me, if he can, all the while recording this for whomever might find it. I have no idea…I hope that he can feel me. Whatever anger I held has flown away with the wind, replaced with a virulent fear that he is dying. What if I never get a chance to confront him? What if I never get the chance to look at his proud, handsome face again? What if I have to die now, never knowing if he had loved me? I used to believe it to be true…but now…I just don’t know, and beyond the pain of knowing he went behind my back, and of knowing that he lied to me, that is really the worse thing. There was safety in that knowledge, security…now there is nothing at all to cling to, and I feel as if I am floating in mid-air, trying desperately to hang on to anything. There is no peace of mind, and I have tried to keep all of this inside me so he couldn’t feel it, but I fear that I have failed. My emotions are so ragged right now, and my mind so tired and plagued by so many troubles and fears…I can’t seem to control anything.

I don’t know what has happened to Bardock, or Chi-Chi. Are they still alive? Sauzza’s words lead me to believe that they were to be taken to. When will Koola come for me? I know that he will. I shudder to think what I will have to go through at his hands. And with Vegeta out of commission, there is little hope for any rescue.

I can feel—

Oh God, the door is sliding open! I have to go…

* * * * *


Table of Contents
Chapter 4
Journal - Part 3